"It is not until much later, as the skin sags and the heart weakens, that children understand; their stories, and all their accomplishments, sit atop the stories of their mothers and fathers, stones upon stones, beneath the waters of their lives."
My name is Toby but mummy also calls me Toblerone, she says this is because I am sweet and nutty just like a Toblerone chocolate bar. My mummy is more mad than me – obviously – she named me!
Thank you, i’ve been calling her this for years but she apparently can’t interpret my barks – well she can but she pretends not to.
I was born in the early hours of October 1st 2014, my breed is Shorkie which is a cross between a Shih Zhu and a Yorkshire Terrier. I came to live with my “humam” (I prefer mad witch but Mummy told me I wouldn’t get any treats for a week if I said that) when I was only 8 weeks old.
Mummy has known me my whole life. she first saw me when I was only a few hours old. I didnt see her till later as, when puppies are born, our eyes are shut so I didnt see her until I was around 10 days old (which frankly, was far too soon – I had nightmares for about a year after!
Jokes aside, I really love my Mummy so, unless she was going, I certainly won’t be. Our home town is miserable so perhaps we might both emigrate.
Mummy always feeds me my lovely treats. My favourite treat is Bacon flavour – kind of like a w-woof, err I mean crisp you would eat called Frazzles (I shouldn’t tell you that I know about those) but they are made especially for us dogs.
Mummy and I love going for walks together. I especially like it when she lets me run off the lead because I get to roll around in fox poo, amongst other things because it gives my Mummy more jobs to do as I really don’t feel like she does enough already.
I really enjoy playing with balls off all sorts (including those attached to me). I enjoy playing fetch with Mummy and I like to tease her into thinking I am going to give the ball back to her – I sometimes do just so I can keep winding her up.
There isn’t very much that I dont like, however, I do not like having my hair cut or brushed. Being part Shih Zhu, my fur doesn’t moult, so, given that I don’t like being brushed very often, my hair sometimes gets matted and then Mum will have to shave it or I will have to go to Groomers who I regularly want to bite (I never otherwise bite anybody). I haven’t bitten the groomer yet as she stinks of cats. Do I look like I eat Felix?
You’re asking the wrong person, I play with my balls, woops, I mean any balls, Mummy deals with that sort of thing.
I’m buggered if I know.
Sleep more, like my Mummy.
You best be, I missed my “klaw”, yes Mummy, I DO know what that means.
"It's not my fault that I put my mother in an asylum. I needed the extra room for my handbags."
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